I AM NO LONGER UNEMPLOYED!

So I’ve been avoiding the internet because I had this whole possible job things and was TERRIFIED they found out that I have this little blog things and oh HEY I say some not really… professional… things.  Discussion of the inappropriateness of casual testicle showing is probably best saved for at LEAST the third week of work.

And then they called and hired me for a kickass job that is going to pay me WAY MORE than my sitting on the couch looking for spare change enterprise was. So in celebration, I am compiling for us all a list of things I will be buying with my kickass new job:

1) A Shetland Pony.

DO YOU SEE HOW AWESOME THIS GUY IS??? I'm going to buy him little pony sneakers and he will live in my new apartment with me and will fetch the newspaper. And wear a monocle.

2) The pair of Louboutins that are in our masthead. ARE THEY NOT GORGEOUS?? I may buy them in several colours and I will be known as “The girl in the sparkly Louboutins” or “That crazy hooker that has  an obsession with sparkly things”.

3) A prostitute from Russia to teach me to play chess.

4) A new suit. This probably should be number one but holy CRAP that pony is cute. And I CAN GET IT SHOES. Its like a whole new shoe addiction that ISNT overplayed.

5) A Bed made of money. This will likely be very uncomfortable but worth it. Much like the Russian prostitute.

As you can see I have my priorities straight. Even better, the job is a fancy one in Finance. Poor guys have no idea what they have just hired.

I should warn them about pants less Tuesday. And my stalker.