I call her ‘Liv. And she calls me “Please stop photoshopping yourself into my family photos”

Did I ever tell you about the time I became best friends with Olivia Munn? No? Well children gather round for a tale of friendship, beauty and crockpots.

It was 2012, the year of “For The Love of God Taylor Swift Just Get a Therapist and Stop Dating Morons” and it was either summer or fall. I’m not super sure. I will probably be able to verify this later on whenI include the screengrabs from the… SHIT I’m getting ahead of myself.

IT was summer or fall. Probably not winter. And I was in the grocery store after work picking up food because I like eating on a semi regular basis.

I kept running in to this girl in aisles, she sort of had her head down and I couldn’t shake the feeling that she was really familiar. I assumed I went to university with her and had likely been an asshole to her (its a thing I do, douchbaggery, its one of my finest skills) and I was all FUCK I’ve scared this little dark girl to the point where she won’t make eye contact with me.

So I wandered the aisles looking for Goldfish crackers and felt super guilty when I realized that I was standing next to her again. And this time she was looking up.

We made eye contact.

She gave me a small smile.

I immediately shit myself.

IT WAS OLIVIA MUNN.

Seriously. Shes one of two people thats on both mine and my husbands "Totally okay to bang" list. The other person - Joe Manganiello. True Story.

Seriously. Shes one of two people thats on both mine and my husbands “Totally okay to bang” list. The other person – Joe Manganiello. True Story.

Once I managed to finish freaking the fuck out, I realized she had walked away. And so, like every normal human being on earth, I tweeted.

Now, given for the most part even my followers don’t read my tweets, I pretty much assumed it would be ignored.

And then. This happened.

WHILE SHE WAS IN THE LINE NEXT TO ME AT THE GROCERY STORE.

Did I say hi? OF COURSE NOT! I pretended that I didn’t literally see her tweet me back.


 

We, of course, continued to tweet back and forth and I was witty and charming and she was like “WE ARE TOTALLY BEST FRIENDS NOW!” and I was her date to the whole Toronto Film Festival. Currently, we send each other recipes we find on Pinterest and I’m visiting her in LA in October.

Just kidding, I totally refused to say hi to her because if I were a celebrity I would NEVER want somone to be all “Oh hi, I’m a big fan” while I was at the grocery store, buying tomatos, fish crackers and tampons. Which is not to say that’s what she purchased. She totally had shit like fancy lettuce and quinoa. I think. I’m totally not so creepy as to have remembered what she bought.

I totally am. I’m just not going to tell you.

 

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3 Responses to I call her ‘Liv. And she calls me “Please stop photoshopping yourself into my family photos”

  1. Robbie says:

    How very cool :) Next time, just say “yo” – it’s acceptable, trust me.

  2. best obd2 says:

    Okay you are right, YouTube is most excellent video sharing web site, as YouTube is a lightly no much streaming time rather than other blogs.

  3. Gretchen says:

    This was hilarious on so many levels. You are such a spaz.

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