There are so many options when buying high heels. Pump, platform, kitten heel, wedge.
They can be works of art; beautiful accents that finish off an outfit and (at least for me) make me feel powerful in that way that only woman and especially fierce cross dressers and transsexuals can feel.
You know what I’m talking about – No man in the business world truly understands the kickass feeling one gets while strutting in to a business meeting wearing a classic stilleto KNOWING 1) that your ass looks GREAT and your legs look loooong and 2) should you decide to, one kick and they will be sporting a fancy new hole in their windpipe.
So I’m going to need someone to explain to me what in the fuck these are:
Quite literally a TOTAL waste of heels. I want to burn them.
There is no damned excuse for these. It’s like someone ran out of materials at the shoe factory, ran across the ally and bought some anal plugs and tossed them on the shoe and said “Meh, good enough.”
It’s awful.
They are not sexy, sleek, leg elongating or attractive. They aren’t even a statement piece. Unless your statement is “I hate your eyes and I want my ugly ass shoes to give you nightmare”.
These are the Miley Cyrus of shoes – stumpy, awkward and pretending they’re “earthy” but are more than likely the byproduct of heavy drinking and a bout of self loathing.
And if you argue that the weird stubby heel gives you more stability I will punch you right in the face.
You know what else gives you stability? Better bipartisan efforts in congress. Less household debt. Sneakers with cocktail dresses.
But none of that is happening. And neither should this shoe.
Seriously, you want a heel but lack the ability to balance properly? Try this shoe in combination with some pilates (build up some damned core strength, you should not suddenly fall over at a slight breeze because you’re two inches taller than usual)
Seriously - most comfortable heel I have ever owned. Terrible for stabbing people though...
And thus ends my shoe rant.
The next person I see wearing those stumpy style heels is getting a kick right to the taco.
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11 Responses to You should know that I’m judging your shoe choices.
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- Are guys who link their Facebook and Instagram unaware of the fact I can seem them liking pictures of halfnaked girls ever 30 seconds?
- Dear 45 year old women with Taylor swift curls and short sundresses- no one is fooled. No one.
- @YarnBallClock i honestly dont know..... but the very fact that I'm confused about it means there has been some sort of societal shift.
I am a man and you are correct. I do not get it. I own three pairs of shoes. Every day shoes. Some steel toed boots for more rugged days and a pair of dress shoes. I have never gotten excited over a pair of shoes and never will.
However, more power to you. A woman that is feeling beautiful is much better company.
See, you don’t get excited but you know what’s appropriate for when.
Anyone who buys those monstrosities could never adequately explain to me where they would be appropriate.
And I can’t imagine ANYONE feeling beautiful in them…
They would have to hate sex.
It’s the only answer.
Those shoes are so bad that part of me just died!!
Loubs for everyone!
I feel like you should be given a pair by the government on your 21st birthday.
One day. I’ll become queen of America, and I will send you patriotic louboutins.
I am thoroughly disappointed in any store that would even sell these.
I say we burn down said stores/ ugly shoe factories, Revolt against jellies, and supply everyone with a classic pair of red 6″ stilletos. Thus ending war and hunger.
YES! This is an extraordinary idea.
From now on, when I see people wearing them in the street, I’m going to push them over, steal the shoes and throw them into the street.
What the eff?? Those are HORRIBLE. My eyes are permanently scarred!
Whoever violated my taste by making these ugly shoes should be hogtied and flogged
My eyes!! If you need me I’ll be in the corner crying while hugging my pretty shoes.
These shoes made me throw up in my mouth a little bit….